So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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