Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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