I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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