Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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