I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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