You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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