Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
