I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
