i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
