I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
