She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
