Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
