somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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