): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
