Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
