There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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