Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
