Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
