I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
