i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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