there's paper in my vomit.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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