Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
