i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
