he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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