pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
