He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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