Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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