I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
