so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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