I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
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the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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