So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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