He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
