My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
