waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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