Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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