That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
