I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
