New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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