Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
