It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
