I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
