Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
