I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
