You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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