I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
