I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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