sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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