Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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