actually, I'm a sock model
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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