My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
