Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
