he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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