I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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