Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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