Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
