He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
