I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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