Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.

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  (305): i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher. http://tfl.nu/huem
  Replies (8) Good night (1332) Bad night (2796)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.

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  (636): I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap. http://tfl.nu/1yuw
  Replies (56) Good night (1166) Bad night (3320)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave

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  (413): before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave http://tfl.nu/loh3
  Replies (26) Good night (8287) Bad night (780)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.

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  (803): Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear. http://tfl.nu/2r4l
  Replies (18) Good night (7924) Bad night (1344)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Because we had sex in one.

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  (919): Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory? (1-919): Because we had sex in one. http://tfl.nu/y2am
  Replies (7) Good night (5819) Bad night (1067)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous

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  (308): this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous http://tfl.nu/2tix
  Replies (16) Good night (854) Bad night (3017)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.

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  (541): Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids. http://tfl.nu/e2e0
  Replies (12) Good night (2363) Bad night (761)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

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  (662): She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list. http://tfl.nu/gj4y
  Replies (21) Good night (3446) Bad night (1080)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago

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  (940): Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago http://tfl.nu/00op
  Replies (2) Good night (1159) Bad night (642)
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  (805): View more from California

  I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore

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  (805): I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore http://tfl.nu/eg5i
  Replies (3) Good night (1220) Bad night (671)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.

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  (561): She thinks Jesus was an astronaut. http://tfl.nu/koey
  Replies (11) Good night (1022) Bad night (644)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Those were right hand only?

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  (847): It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times. (224): Those were right hand only? http://tfl.nu/iwna
  Replies (2) Good night (789) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?

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  (650): I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex? http://tfl.nu/x3xg
  Replies (9) Good night (721) Bad night (288)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.

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  (713): Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having. http://tfl.nu/8yzd
  Replies (1) Good night (331) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.

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  (760): Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/884t
  Replies (0) Good night (683) Bad night (563)

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