i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.