a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize