I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
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