Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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