i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.