I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
